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Seorang yang kadang-kadang kurang kasih sayang manusia. oleh itu gemar bercakap dengan kucing, suka mengelak dari bercakap depan orang ramai dan kuat perasan - cuma kerana kurang kasih sayang. mungkin cuma ada satu manusia seperti ini.*perasan lagi*. Hanya seorang manusia biasa yang banyak khilafnya dan masih mencari erti cinta :)

Friday, May 31, 2013

Afraid of trying new things and you are really not the persistent type.



Of course I have been sitting on a bicycle before, but I have never cycled it. Afraid to fall off the bike. I blame those who don’t have time to teach me. And so I gave up learning.





I’ve never let my hands off from the edge of the pool, and so I never swam.





I’ve never been on a roller coaster before. I wonder why.





I can’t catch the netball and thus I gave up every kind of sport involving ball. I blame my reflex action which has always been late 0.06 milliseconds as compared to other people. Okay exaggerate je 0.06 milliseconds tu.





I also gave up on badminton as I can’t see where the shuttlecock is flying to. My eyes are influenced by the reflex action. Yeahh they are made of the same gene. Budak gemok also gave up in teaching me.





My resume has been rejected once. And so I never try again. Uhuhh saya tak pernah kerja part time. *batuk*





You know the tarzan rope jumping where you would cross a river to get at the other side? During my camping time, I am the only one who fall into the stinky river (not so river lah. Macam longkang pun ada) and so I gave up every camping activity where there might be a possibility to do this kind of things.






I guess I lack of compliments since I was little. People say compliments can even make an elephant dance. What if there is someone to say “it’s okay faherah. You can do better another time”, “let’s practice until you get it”. Things might have turn out differently.





I have been doing a lot of things alone since I was little and so I am afraid to try new things by myself. I wonder if this have anything to do with my introversion =,=




People who hates me will say, “kau ni belajar je pandai”




Hahaha yes. Sebab itu je benda yang saya reti buat maka saya bersungguh-sungguh . A lot of people think that my A grade is very enviable, but I sometimes think that I might have sold my soul to the devil in return of the good grades – which I’m not gonna think so.





But since I am a positive, smart and bright little girl since then (ambuihh melebih tak puji diri sendiri) I take my weaknesses as my uniqueness. You can’t do sports, you are afraid of a lot of things but you are creative, good at doing the things that you like, can push yourself up the boundaries if you want it and you are also cute when you are smiling. That is what I have been telling myself hahahaha except the cute part =,=




And so my mum has been telling me for like 9302 times for me to apply my driving license. Hahaha. And so I am hesitating to take it BY MYSELF since I am AFRAID of trying new things. Huwwwwwaaaaaa. Kelakar jugak diri sendiri ni bila fikir-fikir balik.  Hell man you are turning 21 in 19 days and you have no driving license??!! Whatthefruit. (turning 21 in 19 days – ini adalah satu hint hahahaha)





Thus I am hoping that Allah will send me a husband that will teach me those things I can’t do by myself and complement the incomplete me. Haha I don’t care if I’m doing my first ride on a bike my husband-whom-I-do-not-even-know. Very romantic maaaaaaa muahahahaha. *gila* blushing pulak bila membayangkan. Haha.



So before the anticipated ‘husband’ arrives, saya akan terus bersungguh-sungguh dalam belajar. Haha. Resolution apakah ini. -,-



Ya saya tahu saya comel kalau saya senyum. hahahahaha. *pangggg!
err that is an awkward smile anyway.




p/s
study week sudah bermula.
doakan saya bukak luggage saya yang penuh nota-nota tu.
doakan jugak saya dapat husband seperti yang di atas tu. teehee.

Monday, May 27, 2013

Indesicive


Bukak mata. Hari ni hari isnin. 7.55 pagi. Hari ni kelas start at 12 in the noon. Haha. I’m gathering my thought =,=


I was thinking if I am still in my school days as I dream of my best friends back in the school. Ahhh, rindu betul zaman tu. Entah kenapa, sejak akhir akhir ni selalu rindu dia orang. Teringat masa form 3 dulu selalu rajin nak masak and bawak makanan dari rumah and makan ramai-ramai. Sekarang macam takde sape untuk buat macam tu.



I feel at distance from my friends nowadays – due to different ideologies. Hahaha. Kawan-kawan dulu tak obsess dengan budak lelaki. LOL. Since we are from sekolah agama, none of us suka flirt-flirt dengan budak lelaki ni. Now I have to listen to all kind of stories about errr. Is it okay for me to write this? Can I be honest? Err, nowadays if you want to get along, you have to count the boys in. which is SOMETIME uncomfortable.



Kawan-kawan dulu, by being with them you feel at peace and all. Kawan-kawan sekarang tends to leave me to my own – since I’m weird hahahaha. Boleh pulak mengaku tu diri sendiri pelik =,= can anyone guide me? Err this journey seems too long and I’m suddenly feeling tired.



And in life sometimes you arrive at some indecisive points huh.



Sometimes I still wonder, would my life be different now if I went to same place with them back then. If I completed my STAM instead of coming for PASUM. If I choose to continue in USIM instead of UM. Hurrrrr.



And as you walk in your journey – alone now – you encounter another indecisive point.

-what project should you do in the next semester. Should I do the one I want or should I do the one that I really want.

-should I take short sem or not. Hahaha. Gedik pula nak ambil short sem lepas tu tak reti nak buat keputusan.




Making decision is always this hard. When you have mum that will say “suka hati kau la” to everything that you ask her =,=




Anyway, I’m missing my frienddddddddddd. Aaaaaaaaaaaaa. Kan best kalau esok bangun pagi, dia orang are standing at my door and say thing like “okay get up now, jom pergi picnic!” and I will be like “yeaaaaaaaayyy. Jommm!” and I’m gonna run around the block as I’m excited hahahaha. But they won’t right? Sebab most of them still have classes. Sobs. And I wonder if they even read this belog busuk anymore. And they won’t know which one is my door since they never ask what’s my room number pun. Hahaha.



So faham tak kaitan ‘indecisive’ dengan ‘missing my friend’? haha. Takde kaitan pun. I’m just missing them too much nowadays. LOL. 





pic: raya tahun lepas but not everybody were there.
Baitie, Rahmah, Atira, Asiah, Haslina, Kamilah, Syahirah, Nawwar, Atikha
I need all! haha ;)
guess I can't go to USIM huh though the probability of encountering 'that person' is only  0.0000000001%
:(

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Running away and hiding.


“bosan”

“bacalah ma’thurat :D”


“haha. Yelah. Sarkastik je bunyik”

“betullahh. Takkan nak suruh pergi tidur pulak”


“hmm.. tetiba rasa dah lama takde orang ingatkan macam ni :’)”

“sebenarnya ada je orang yang ingatkan tapi bunbun je yang tak layan dia”


“siapa?”


“diri bunbun sendiri :D”


Suddenly I burst into tears. Deep tears. Bitter truth.

The truth is, I’m not really ignoring myself. But I’m running away. I run away and hide. Shutting my eyes, closing my ears tight – which I didn’t even know why I did.




Why are you being a coward Faherah? What are you scared of?




“Tell me” 

 Hoping for someone to ask me, warmly.






pic : fieldtrip #6